The Six Most Important Lessons of My Life

Visakhapatnam, 16^th January, 2009, 1400 hrs:

The train left the Station… Mom was crying but I was excited, and so was Nikhil! Amit too was an excited (and happy) man! We were off to give our best shots at the interview of the SSB (Services Selection Board) of the National Defence Academy (NDA) – Naval Academy (NA) – the premier institutes for training a candidate to be a part of the defence as a “Class-I Commissioned officer”…

I am from a business family & I had to fight with my mother & go against my father’s wish to attend the SSB. My grandfather came to know when the train was due to leave in half-an-hour & my grandmother when I was halfway through my journey… The remaining extended family came to know gradually & by the time I set foot at Bangalore City Railway Station the next day, almost all of my family was aware of (and trying to demoralize me from) I being there & my purpose of being there…

Bangalore; 17^th January, 2009; 1600 hrs – “DAY ZERO”:

A bus came to the Bangalore City Railway Station to pick us up. In less than an hour, we were at the Cantonment at Bangalore City where the Services Selection Boards no. 12, 17 & 22 were located. It was the Indian Army’s territory – everything was prolific & sophisticated – more than Jaipur’s palaces! Our introductions, registrations & other formalities were carried out… There were 103 of us… Most of us were going to be filtered on Day #1 itself! So, after filling several forms, we were into the conference hall where we were greeted by a fine young man – Cdr. Sahni ^{(name changed)}. For the next 20 minutes, he briefed us about how the next five days would be for us & how to go about it…

One very distinctive part of his briefing was: “You should always behave like gentlemen! Not only for these 5 days, but at ANY given time in your life! The gates open at 2 o’clock everyday… After you have finished the day’s activities, you are free to go out & do what you want. Have all the fun that you want but be back by 7 P.M. if you don’t want to be hung upside down. If you run into an unfavourable situation, we will protect you, regardless of what the problem is… But try not to end up raping someone… Even if you do, try not to get caught! Stay in groups so that you can blame each other if you are late!”

We laughed at his sense of humour…

Then came the serious issue: “You have to be very careful of a few things, jawans! First is women – DO NOT mess with women unnecessarily! Disrespect your father! But have full respect for women! The defence has ZERO respect for those who do not respect ladies… Second is religion – If you suddenly feel too religious & are in a procession & end up in riots, don’t expect help from our side! Keep your religious views discreet & personal! Third is politics – Support a party, but at home! If you’re in a rally & the opposition comes & beats you up, we are not responsible! Your political views & actions can get you into unsolicited trouble… We can’t start a life long feud for 5 day candidates! And don’t go anywhere near the girls’ barracks!”

“Bring them to yours!” I commented

“Exactly! BRING THEM TO YOURS! But after curfew timings ONLY!!” he seconded me … I looked up! He winked… Then I looked around… To add on to a smiling Commander, three rows of candidates were staring at me, most of them in splits of laughter! It was then that I realized that I had surpassed the ‘decibel limit for front row commentary’ by a non-negligible, unacceptable & an EMBARRASSING margin! I wanted to bury myself six feet under… Somehow, I regrouped myself, turned to Nikhil & winked. He winked back! Since Sir was fine with it, I got away nobody created any further fuss about it!

Bangalore; 18^th January, 2009; 1600 hrs – “DAY ONE”:

In the barracks beside ours, there was a batch of NCC cadets, probably from Punjab. They were singing & dancing when I had joined them the previous night. A Sardar had caught our attention. He sang like a dream… We gathered around him & he sang for 40 minutes. Depending upon the song, the voice had pain, joy, determination, everything! He had impressed us SO much that we had raised him on our shoulders after the singing was over… I was a reluctant member (initially an outsider) as they were some 3 or 4 years elder to me & I had faced a handsome amount of ragging in my college a few months ago… Even otherwise, I was sure that they had to have large “senior ego”, like most of (read: ALL) the people in my vicinity!

Next day in lunch, I spotted the previous night’s singer & asked him in sugar-coated politeness “May I join you, sir?” He was more than happy to have me there & pulled out a chair for me. We chatted for 20 minutes & I learned that he (Gurpreet) wasn’t that bad! Then he suddenly stood up & asked me “You forgot your spoon, sir! Shall I bring?” I was moved by this gesture of his & was really humbled by his presence whenever I met him that day. He was so courteous & caring that I was actually praying more for him to get selected, than myself! He was a really helpful & humble person & was a living self-explanatory example of: “Hands that help are more blessed than lips that pray!”

Bangalore; 19^th January, 2009; 1000 hrs – “DAY TWO”:

After Day ONE, out of 103 candidates, 54 of us, who were to be executed further (aka. the “screened in candidates”) were selected & divided into batches of 10 each. My batch had its Personal Interviews & Group Tasks over the next 2 days, which meant that we were like a flock of sheep left to graze in a field… So, we eagerly, patiently, longingly & desperately for it to be 2 & as soon as the gates were open, we ran out as if a 10’×10’ cage having 20 bulls had just been opened… I took Raven ^{(name changed)} along with me… His father was a sailor in the navy. & he was a typical soft-spoken guy from a middle class family. We roamed around the malls, did some “bird watching”, ate pani-puri, drank some tea & found ourselves at Garuda, one of the most reputed malls in Bangalore. The display at a showroom caught my eye. It wasn’t much of a designer wear, but I just wanted to try the bright red T-Shirt which hung there, proudly bearing the words “Pepé jeans” near the breast pocket. By the look in Raven’s eye, I could tell that he had never seen a Pepé Jeans shirt before; wearing one was like a dream! I tried it on. It fit me perfectly & clung on to every muscle of my body as if it was tailor-made for me! He was happy on seeing me in it & said that I looked MUCH stronger in it than anything that he had seen me in (including without a shirt, that is)… I asked the price. It was a mere 799 bucks… I took out my debit card. Suddenly, Raven said he needed to freshen up… The heaviness was evident in his voice. I watched him walk past me & out of the store. I had seen him longing for it… Buying that shirt at that point of time would be like implanting a slap on the face of his financially modest background… I chose not to buy it… I followed Raven & said “Utna bhi acha nahi hai yaar!” (It – as in, the shirt – isn’t THAT good, mate!) Then I kept him cheered up, we watched more girls & by 7, we were back in our barracks! I felt self contented that I had done the right thing! In a world, where “humans” LIVE to discomfit others, I had acted as “human” as I could… So, the third day got a (rather poignant) lesson in humanity for me! And that’s exactly what I call “learning from experience”!

Bangalore; 20^th January, 2009; 1930 hrs – “DAY THREE”:

That evening, Gurpreet told me that his conference was due the next day & his group was going to the temple to pray… He invited me to come along… At the temple, before the prayers began, a gentleman asked me to cover my head with a handkerchief or any cloth… I told him that I, being a Hindu was not supposed to cover my head as it was against the norms of my religion. The gentleman replied “So what? You are in a Sikh gathering, right?” Gurpreet & another gentleman supported me saying that if I was not supposed to do something according to my religion, then I was free to not do so! Then, they pointed out that it was a Sikh gathering in a Hindu temple & that’s the beauty of our country – UNITY IN DIVERSITY! Then, we sang both Hindu & Sikh bhajans & they kept a framed photo of the ten Sikh Gurus in the temple… THIS is religious tolerance! God is ONE!

Bangalore; 21^st January, 2009; 0515 hrs – “DAY FOUR”:

The temperature was “no more than 10°C”, as described by Thomas – our barracks’ caretaker… It wasn’t too cold, as far as you didn’t have to take bath with water no more than 5°C! While half of us were free, the remaining candidates had to face the ordeal of the GTO – the Group Task Officer – tasks. We were divided into batches of 10. He introduced himself to us & then asked us to return the favour. After exchanging a few informal talks, he put forward a question: “What is the most important task of the selection procedure & who, according to you, is the most important person in this board?”

There was a variety of answers… When he came to me, I – trying to sound as knowledgeable & smart as I could, in the finest of the accents & the most crisply said words – said “Group Task Officer is the most important person as he valuates majority of our tasks & has most of the marks in his hands. And the most important task is the Personal Interview, as that has a major part to play in the judgement of your personality!” After listening to everybody’s explanations, he said in a determined: “The MOST important person IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE is YOU! And the most important task AT ANY GIVEN TIME is the TASK AT HAND!”

I couldn’t have agreed more! I gave it my best shot & my selection was almost certain!

1915 hrs: I called my father & informed dad that the interview was great & I was certainly in! He asked me the time that the canteen (which had the phone booth within) closed… I told him it would close at 10 P.M. He asked me to call then & hung up saying he was busy… I could sense a denial, but had no choice to wait & watch…

2200 hrs: I called home for the twentieth time in the past 4 days… My father told me that mom’s tears refused to not stop since the moment the train sounded its whistle 4 days ago… Then there was (a painful) half-an-hour of emotional stuff & brainwashing which I didn’t pay much attention to… I was determined to join… The canteen guy pretended to chuck me out of the canteen & cursed me because I had delayed him! But it was friendly fire…

Bangalore; 22^nd January, 2009; 1500 hrs – “DAY FIVE”:

As the time for judgement came closer, hearts were beating faster & faster! The others were tensed & I was excited. I had given it my best shot & my selection was inevitable! The results were with a commander & she walked into the conference room… I was smiling from ear to ear. My name was called out last. I was overjoyed! I was among the 13 “recommended candidates” for the Naval Academy of batch # B/NEE/62861… It was an honour. But then… I felt my mother somewhere crying for me…

I realized several things… That my family needed me, just like I needed them… That I was the only son of an ageing, tired father who had struggled for 20 years – struggling through each day of his youth, forfeiting his middle age & even going to the extent of delaying his old age – so that I don’t have to struggle for 30 minutes in my life… That if I was not with my parents, they wouldn’t be with me either… That I had no right to say “It’s my life!” to the 2 people who GAVE me this life… That I would NEVER be able to live happily in a place where they don’t want me to be… That it was either me who would be happy (to be able to realize his childhood dream of being in the defence) or my parents (who would see their son grow up in front of them)… That I was only one man; but I wasn’t just anybody… That if one man can’t keep his parents happy, he would NEVER be able to keep HIMSELF happy!

I chose to live up to the expectations of my parents first! I left the medical test & came back home by the next flight… FAMILY COMES FIRST!